I Choo-Choo-Choose You

So while I was attempting to avoid work on this glorious Monday morning I found this gem of an article on Yahoo Shopping. It was tagged with the title “Valentine’s Gift’s She’ll Really Love” so obviously I had to check out the list.

GQ’s Valentine’s Day Gifts Women Will Flip For

Now I’m not sure who GQ asked to contribute to this list but how about some insight from a lady who sits every Valentine’s Day waiting for a secret admirer to send her something as simple as a cardboard Justin Bieber Valentine her way.

First of all, you don’t even know who Phillip Lim is, do you? Second you’re going to buy your wife expensive laundry detergent for Valentine’s Day. Super romantic Romeo. Does that sound like something she’ll want? Not really. She’ll probably surf the net until she finds out how much you spent on this gift and badger you because you could have put that towards a nice bouquet of flowers. Those flowers may only last a week but guess what it’s not $36 Tide.

And a pillow. How….thoughtful? Ok at first glance it does sound like a really great and creative gift for the wifey (ugh how I hate that word) but really think about it. She probably decorated your house and for good reason. You’re color blind and have no concept of matching patterns. So if you think that a gift that revolves around the marital bed is your cup of tea you actually can stick with this website. Try a comfy sheet set in a high thread count. She’ll probably love that better and if she doesn’t she can always cover the sheets with a comforter.

The J Crew Vintage Pajamas set. Now we’re cooking with gas. I’ve actually looked at these myself and could really use a pair. And if you’re taking orders I’ll take them navy, size small, my initials are KAK. These are a great idea for your beautiful wife and if she’s anything like me she’ll never want to get out of bed on Sunday Funday.

So onto your mother. I honestly don’t know any guy who has bought their mother a gift for Valentine’s Day but just go with the flow. I’d have to say the only meaningful gift on this list is probably my favorite of the entire article. I really love the idea of getting a lady friend, not exactly your mother, the Forget Me Knot ring. It’s quite a charming idea and would be great for your wife or even the lovely lady you’ve only been dating a few months. Perhaps even a gal you’ve been admiring from afar. I’ve actually already spread the word to some male friends to purchase one for their GFs so apologies if your size is on backorder.

As for the decoratively wrapped soap and Napoleon knives….really? Don’t even think about it.

Now onto the gifts that really count. It seems like the writers stepped up their game on this list. Probably because this it where the Valentine’s gift really counts. She’s not yet you’re wife, not even close to being your mother but you have to impress her so she’ll stick around until the summer. The ring is a cute idea but if you want to buy her one either go big with a Tiffany’s diamond and sapphire bauble (oh wait I’m the only one waiting around for that sucker) or stick with the Forget Me Knot.

As for the notebook, skip it. You actually can have macaroons shipped to your lady friend. Try these authentic French treats from Sucre in New Orleans.

So you don’t think any of those gifts with impress your gal for Valentine’s Day. How about a couple more ideas from yours truly.

Remember the good old days when you and your middle school girlfriend would exchange mixtapes while passing each other in the hall? Yeah me neither. I’m still waiting for my Say Anything moment. Well now you can make your real life girlfriend, who you actually see outside of health class, a modern day mixtape. Fill up this USB drive shaped like a cassette tape with some memorable songs that she can listen to on her laptop at home or even at work.

Want a little something to go along with it. Get her a copy of Rob Sheffield’s Love Is A Mixtape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time. It’ll rock any music lover’s world.

There is not a girl out there who will ever reject flowers. And while we’re at it, Winston Flowers. Splurge a little if you’re going to buy her some buds. Maybe skip the red roses in exchange for some beautiful tulips. Most girls will say they never want flowers delivered to work on V-day but she’ll be the envy of the office once the Winston van shows up just for her. Everyone else will be putting together their bouquet from 1-800-Flowers and she’ll be happy as a clam with an arrangement like this one.

Just don’t ever take your advice for a Valentine’s gift from a bunch of dudes. Sorry GQ but stick to what you’re good at. Dressing men in suits or posting a gallery of half naked woman and naming it ‘The Women on GQ’.

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